All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
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