The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
