Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
