I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
