Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
