My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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