pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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