I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea