The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
