I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Brb crying the tears of my youth
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops