if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.