it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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