I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm