so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
There are leaves in my underwear?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
