TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
