I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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