Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
