She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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