Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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