I'm really into asian looking animals
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
