All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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