Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
