I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
