i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
you had me at cake vodka
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
