The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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