i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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