I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
