I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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