why didn't you poke me back
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
