How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
