you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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