my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
