I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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