You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
