I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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