we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
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I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
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No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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