I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
