I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you will always have a special place in my vag
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
