I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
