The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
