how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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