He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
