One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
