I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
