why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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