She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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