Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
