I can tuck mytits in my pants
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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