I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
pop tarts are not kleenex
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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