the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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