i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
