im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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