I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
