I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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