You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
