I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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