There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
