Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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