if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize