I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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