I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
