Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
