hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
