i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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