I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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