Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
