I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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