Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
