I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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