Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
