Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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