FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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