I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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